Pizza wHut?

So the first thing that you need to know is that there is, in fact, no typo in the title. Those of you who didn't notice the anomaly and are even now glancing back to figure out what I'm referring to ...well I suppose that means you're not as type-A as I am.

The second thing that you need to know is that just like "Chinese" food in America is not really Chinese, the "American" food here is not really American. A couple of weeks ago my new co-workers and I took the rare opportunity to go eat at a "Western" restaurant--yes Virginia, there IS a Pizza Hut.

After a little discussion about how to satisfy the entire group with the 3 pizzas we determined were necessary to feed our ravenous crew, we decided on a supreme something-or-other, a pepperoni, and a black-pepper chicken. The order was placed, repeated back to us correctly, and thus began to wait for the much-anticipated "American"-like meal to arrive.

Now as you can already tell, the available pizza toppings here are not quite the same as the States. Clearly black-pepper chicken is not a standard (though I will confess it has become my favorite here). What may not be so obvious is that even the "normal" pizzas are not so normal.

One reason for that is that with pork being "taboo" here, pepperoni and sausage are both made with beef. Hence we had to prepare ourselves for a slightly different taste for even the 2 normal-sounding pizzas.

There is another reason, however. Those of you who have traveled outside the States have likely noticed that other countries have a different "fashion sense" than we do. In the same vein, they apparently also have a different sense of what flavors go together.

My proof? Well at our local Pizza Hut, we have the "Beeforn" (ground beef and corn nibblets), the "Spicy Tuna," and "Fish Chips" (literally Fish and potato chips with "mayo-lime" sauce).

So we were enjoying conversation and feeling pretty good about our choices...until the first pizza showed up. Clearly it was not what we had ordered. "No problem," we thought, "they must have just brought it to the wrong table."

We called the guy over and explained that we hadn't ordered this particular pizza and that it must surely belong to someone else who was awaiting it as eagerly as we were awaiting our American-esque pizzas. "Ok," he said...and walked off into oblivion never to be seen or heard from again.

A little while later, the other two pizzas came as ordered, and we asked that guy about the bizarre concoction in front of us. He, too, said "ok" and walked off...but he actually found the girl who had taken our order and had her come to the table.

"I'm sorry," I began, "is this our pizza?"
"Yes."
"So this one doesn't belong to someone else?"
"No."
"...But we ordered a pepperoni pizza."
"Yes."
"Well, this one has potatoes, ground beef, thousand island dressing, and pepperoni on it."
"Yes."
"But we ordered a pepperoni pizza."
"This is a pepperoni pizza."
!?!

At this point my friend jumped in to try to help.
"We ordered JUST a pepperoni pizza."
"Yes."
"Well, we wanted just pepperoni and cheese on it."
"Oh! well why didn't you say that?"
"Say what?"
"Well you should have told me that you didn't want the potatoes, ground beef, and thousand island dressing?"
!?!

Now, dumbfounded, I started again:
"So let me make sure I'm understanding this correctly...If we want a pepperoni pizza with just pepperoni on it we need to order a "pepperoni pizza" without ground beef, potatoes, and thousand island dressing?"
"Yes."
!?!?!

To their credit...we came to find out that this "pizza" was called the "Beetato" and was the only pizza on the menu that had pepperoni listed as an ingredient. Still...I may be scarred for life.